It’s not all about relationships — or is it?

Many discussions about quality in education and care services include at some point—often as a summary statement—the assertion that ‘in the end, it’s all about relationships’. This is likely to occur whether the topic is pedagogy, leadership, community connections, staff relationships, links with other services and professionals or family partnerships.

Is this ‘throw-away line’ accurate? If it is, might it become an excuse for mediocre curriculum?ART_2525

Strong, warm, positive individualised relationships between educators and children are fundamental, the cornerstone upon which good programs for each child are built. However, does this strongly held belief sometimes interfere with pedagogy—that is, with offering excellent learning opportunities to children?

Children’s relationships are highlighted as critically important in Belonging, Being and Becoming and My Time, Our Place. Emphasis is on not only educator-child relationships but also children’s relationships with each other. I wonder if time-poor educators, weary of so much change and the many demands made of them, are tempted to invoke the primacy of relationships as a rationale for settling for the ‘same-old, same-old’ learning opportunities and ways of doing things: Play-doh, Lego, the painting easel, a book corner, water and sand, progressive lunches (or not). Might it be tempting to ease comfortably into thinking that relationships are what matter most, and we have good relationships with children and families and children enjoy good relationships with each other—and that’s enough—end of story?

It takes mental and physical energy to be genuinely critically reflective, to strive to improve continually, to make changes and assess their effectiveness and, most importantly, to act—to practise mindfully rather than by sticking with the ‘same old, same old’.

Of course there will be times individual educators and even teams resort to coasting along for a time. But we’ve probably all known programs where the relationships were great but there wasn’t much happening that was dynamic and engaging to support children’s learning, where educators reassure themselves that they are warm, caring and responsive.

Being truly responsive, planning a program that takes account of each child’s uniqueness and supporting each child’s learning intentionally means knowing each child well. That won’t result from long-term ‘coasting along’. It requires considerable thoughtful attention, critical reflection and action. Although children are very good at ‘making do’, that is, making the most of a somewhat bland and boring situation (picture a child in the waiting room at the doctor’s surgery as evidence), they need a balance of new things to explore, learn about and play with as well as some ‘same-old, same-old’. There’s nothing wrong with the list above of standard traditional materials and learning opportunities, but if they’re offered day after day, month after month, in the same way then the program is probably solidly mediocre.

It’s not all about relationships—or is it? Is the importance of relationships in education and care services overrated?

Anne Stonehouse

Anne Stonehouse AM lives in Victoria and works as a consultant, writer and facilitator of professional learning in early childhood. She has published many books, articles and other resources for educators and parents. Her main professional interests are the nature of good quality curriculum for babies and toddlers and family-educator relationships in early learning settings. She was a member of the writing team in the Charles Sturt University-based consortium that developed the national Early Years Learning Framework. She is currently engaged in a number of projects related to the national and Victorian Frameworks.

4 thoughts on “It’s not all about relationships — or is it?”

    Kate Lording says:

    Great post Anne. High quality ECEC is all about relationships but the question is, what does a REALLY good relationship look like? It is surely one in which there is careful and thoughtful attention to the needs of the other. Its so much more than good rapport or having fun together. Being in this type of REALLY good relationship, especially when you are the one with more ‘power’ requires you to ask questions like… What does this person need to help them flourish and grow? How do I show respect to this person and really listen to them? What can I do to show this person that I believe in them and want to see more of they can do? How do I let this person know that they are safe and cared for unconditionally? These are the questions behind GREAT relationships and GREAT programming.

    Clare says:

    Very informative reading thank you. It’s all about relationships and getting the best outcomes for the children.

    Lisa Whitney says:

    Thankyou Anne.
    Very interesting and informative reading.
    It is all about relationships and recognising what this looks like.

    Linda Maroney says:

    This is great information and allows us to know how important the relationships between peers is.

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